Growing up, many of us hear the idea that a man should chase, woo, and pursue a woman relentlessly. It’s framed as romantic, exciting, even flattering. But the truth is, this narrative can be unhealthy—and in some cases, dangerous.

Think about predatory situations. Predators don’t look scary or mean—they often appear kind, charming, and attentive. Imagine a scenario where a 21-year-old man pursues a 15-year-old girl. Because girls are often taught that persistent attention is romantic, they may not recognize the danger. They might think the chase is normal, even desirable. That misunderstanding can leave them vulnerable to manipulation or abuse.

The “chase” narrative also blurs boundaries. It sends the message that persistence equals love, or that someone who keeps pursuing you must be genuine in their feelings. But in reality, persistence can be a tool for manipulation, especially when there’s an age or power difference.

Another problem is consent. When teens are taught that being pursued is flattering, they may feel pressured to reciprocate feelings even when they’re uncomfortable. Predators exploit this, presenting themselves as loving while eroding a young person’s ability to freely say no.

We need to teach young people that respect, communication, and clear boundaries are far more important than grand gestures of pursuit. Romance should never involve pressure, manipulation, or blurred lines. Being chased is not inherently romantic—being safe, heard, and respected is.