When someone you care about has survived sexual assault, it can be difficult to know how to support them—especially when it comes to dating or relationships. While well-meaning advice often comes from a place of concern, certain comments can unintentionally cause harm. Here are some important guidelines on what not to say and how to be truly supportive.

1. Don’t Compare Everyone to the Rapist

It’s natural to worry about your loved one’s safety, but assuming that all men—or all women—have the same intentions as the perpetrator can be damaging. Survivors need space to trust their own judgment about people. Instead of projecting fear, support them in noticing red flags themselves and affirm their ability to make safe decisions.

2. Don’t Give Unsolicited Dating Advice

Advice like “You shouldn’t date yet” or “Only date this way” may feel controlling. Every survivor heals differently, and timing is personal. Offer guidance only when asked, and avoid imposing your own timeline or expectations.

3. Don’t Try to Control Their Relationships

Trying to vet potential partners or intervene in their dating life in the name of protection can undermine autonomy. Survivors regain power when they make their own choices—support means letting them lead while being there as a trusted presence.

4. Don’t Rush Them

Comments such as “It’s time to move on” or “You should be ready by now” can add unnecessary pressure. Healing and readiness for intimacy take time, and it’s important to respect their pace.

5. Avoid Minimizing Their Feelings

Phrases like “It’s in the past” or “You’ll be fine” may unintentionally dismiss their experience. Validation matters more than quick reassurances. Listen, acknowledge their feelings, and let them know they are heard.

6. Let Them Set the Pace

If a survivor chooses to date, respect their timing and decisions. Support means trusting them to navigate relationships on their terms, without judgment, pressure, or comparisons to their abuser.

The key takeaway:
Being supportive isn’t about controlling their choices—it’s about listening, validating, and empowering survivors to make their own decisions safely. Healing and rebuilding trust in relationships is a personal journey, and your role is to walk beside them, not ahead of them.