At a recent women’s conference, a message about love caught my attention—not in a good way. The teaching seemed to push a type of love that felt forced: “You better hug, you better speak, you better give.” While the intention may have been good, this approach can be potentially harmful, especially for vulnerable people and children.

Forced Love vs. True Love

True love—whether from God or people—is natural and safe. Forced love, on the other hand, is transactional: it creates pressure to perform affection, which can lead to confusion and even emotional harm. Teaching people, especially children, that they must always show love can make them feel responsible for others’ feelings or approval.

Why Boundaries Matter

Love doesn’t require physical closeness, constant attention, or performing affection. Hugging, body closeness, or frequent messages of “love” can blur boundaries. Vulnerable individuals, especially children, may misinterpret these behaviors, believing they are in a special relationship with an adult or that affection must be reciprocated. This dynamic can be exploited by predators and is a risk factor for sexual or emotional abuse.

Teaching healthy boundaries is essential:

• Respect personal space – Love can be shown through words, encouragement, and acts of service without touching.
• Consent matters – Children and adults alike should know it’s okay to say no to unwanted physical contact.
• Model safe affection – Adults should demonstrate care in ways that are appropriate, consistent, and protective.
• Spiritual love is safe – Emphasize that God’s love is unconditional, does not demand performance, and never overrides personal comfort or safety.

A Healthier Approach to Love

Healthy love flows naturally. It is patient, respectful, and mindful of boundaries. By teaching love in this way, we protect emotional and physical safety, help young people recognize manipulative behavior, and cultivate genuine, safe relationships.

Love is powerful, but without boundaries, it can unintentionally become unsafe. True love respects people as they are—body, mind, and soul—and does not require forcing hugs, words, or actions.