I feel married sex is overhyped

That feeling makes a lot of sense — married sex is often overhyped, especially in church settings, and the hype itself can be harmful.

Here’s what’s usually going on beneath that overhyping:

1. Sex gets sold as the “fix” for everything
In many churches, marriage (and sex within it) is presented as:

• The cure for loneliness
• The solution to lust
• The reward for “waiting”
• Proof of spiritual maturity

That creates unrealistic expectations. Sex becomes loaded with meaning it was never meant to carry.

2. The hype ignores reality
Real married sex is affected by:

• Stress
• Health
• Pregnancy and postpartum recovery
• Trauma
• Hormones
• Emotional connection (or lack of it)
• Seasons of life

When sex is over-glorified, couples feel like something is wrong when real life doesn’t match the fantasy.

3. It sets people up for disappointment and shame
Especially for women, the message becomes:

• “This should be amazing all the time”
• “If you don’t want it, something’s wrong with you”
• “If it’s hard or awkward, you’re failing spiritually”

That pressure kills desire rather than nurtures it.

4. It often centers male experience
The hype usually reflects:

• Frequency over quality
• Access over intimacy
• Performance over connection

Women’s emotional safety, pleasure, consent, and pacing are often afterthoughts — if mentioned at all.

5. Sex isn’t the foundation of a healthy marriage
It’s one expression of intimacy — not the glue that holds everything together.
Trust, respect, communication, safety, shared values, and friendship matter far more long-term.

When sex is treated as the centerpiece, marriages struggle the moment sex becomes difficult — which is inevitable at some point.

6. Your intuition is grounded in reality
Noticing this doesn’t mean you’re anti-sex or anti-marriage.
It means you’re rejecting fantasy-based teaching in favor of truth.

Many people quietly realize this after marriage — you’re seeing it clearly before, which takes honesty and courage.