The Church and Forced Love: Why This Can Be Harmful

In many religious communities, love is held up as a central value—a guiding force for relationships, forgiveness, and moral life. But what happens when love is forced, manipulated, or used to control? For survivors of sexual assault, this can be deeply damaging.

Manipulation Masquerading as Love

Abusers often use love as a tool for control. In a church setting, this can be especially insidious. Expressions of care, attention, or spiritual guidance may initially feel nurturing—but when coupled with pressure to obey, submit, or forgive prematurely, it becomes a form of emotional and spiritual manipulation. Victims may feel confused, wondering if they are “wrong” for resisting love that seems sincere.

Normalizing Abuse

Some survivors internalize abuse as part of love, believing that enduring harm is a requirement for being loved or loving in return. This dangerous narrative can create cycles of abuse, as victims struggle to distinguish genuine care from coercion.

Spiritual Guilt and Shame

Religious teachings often emphasize forgiveness, patience, and submission. When applied to abusive dynamics, these principles can trap survivors, making them feel morally obligated to stay in harmful situations. Spiritual guilt can silence survivors, preventing them from seeking help or setting healthy boundaries.

Erosion of Trust

Forced love teaches the brain to associate affection with fear, anxiety, or discomfort. Survivors may struggle to trust others, form healthy relationships, or feel safe in love again. This is one of the silent, long-term harms of manipulative relationships framed as “love.”

False Redemption

Some abusers frame their actions as “tests of faith” or spiritual discipline, convincing survivors that the abuse is somehow justified or redemptive. This is not only psychologically harmful but also spiritually abusive.

Bottom Line: Love should never feel like fear, pressure, or coercion. Forced love—especially under the guise of spirituality—is abuse. Recognizing it is the first step toward healing, reclaiming personal power, and forming truly healthy, safe relationships.