“If It Has to Be Acted, It Isn’t Real”

I remember during my rape, my rapist told to “act like I wanted it.”

That moment stayed with me.

Because if someone has to tell you to act like you want something so intimate, what does that say about what’s really happening?

At the time, I didn’t fully have the words for it. But now I do.

That wasn’t connection.
That wasn’t mutual.
That wasn’t consent.

Sex should never be something you have to perform. It should never require pretending, pressure, or being coached on how to respond.

Looking back, I realize something important:

If it were real, I wouldn’t have had to act.