There’s a message I’ve heard both in and outside of church for years: women need to build each other up because men tear us down enough.

But if I’m being honest, I don’t fully agree with that.

Yes, women supporting women is important. There’s power in unity, encouragement, and creating spaces where women feel safe, understood, and uplifted. I respect that—and I even promote that. But I think the narrative becomes unbalanced when it turns into blaming men as the primary source of tearing women down.

From my experience, that hasn’t been the full truth.

A lot of times, men aren’t as detail-focused or critical in the way women can be. If a man doesn’t find a woman attractive or appealing, many times he simply says nothing and moves on. There isn’t always this deep analysis or commentary. Meanwhile, women—whether intentionally or not—can be much more observant, vocal, and sometimes critical toward one another.

That’s a conversation people don’t always want to have, but it’s real.

And at the same time, I’ve had many men in my life who have done the opposite of tearing me down—they’ve built me up. They’ve encouraged me, spoken positively into my life, and reminded me of my worth in moments when I needed it. That matters. That shouldn’t be overlooked or erased just because it doesn’t fit a popular narrative.

I also think it’s important to say this clearly: let’s not make men the enemy of women.

When that idea is repeated over and over—that men view women negatively, that men can’t be trusted, that men will always tear women down—it can shape how women see relationships altogether. It can create walls before connections even have a chance to form. In some cases, it can even keep women single—not because they aren’t worthy of love, but because they’ve been conditioned to expect the worst.

We have to be careful about the narratives we normalize.

I think sometimes in our effort to empower women, we unintentionally exclude men—as if their voices, encouragement, and perspectives don’t hold value in the conversation. But they do.

Encouragement shouldn’t be limited by gender.

Women need support from women.
But women can also be uplifted by men.
Men need encouragement too.
And women have the power to build men up just as much.

It’s not about choosing sides—it’s about recognizing that we all play a role in how we treat each other.

In my book, I made a decision to build up both women and men. Because real strength, real healing, and real growth don’t come from division—they come from unity, accountability, and mutual respect.

We don’t have to tear one group down to lift another up.

We can all rise—together.