Churches & Cliques: When Ministry Starts to Feel Like High School

Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get said out loud enough.

Cliques in church.

Yes—church.

I’ve seen it in different spaces: the choir, the dance team, the youth department. Places that are supposed to reflect unity somehow start to feel like exclusive circles. And if you’ve ever felt like an outsider looking in, you’re not imagining it.

It’s real.

Now here’s the truth—connection isn’t the problem. People bonding, building friendships, laughing, growing together… that’s beautiful. That’s healthy. That’s what community is supposed to look like.

But somewhere along the way, connection can turn into exclusivity.

It becomes:
“We’re close… and you’re not part of this.”

And that’s where the shift happens.

Instead of ministry, it starts to feel like hierarchy.
Instead of openness, it feels like access is limited.
Instead of love, it can feel like quiet rejection.

And let’s be honest—it shouldn’t be this way.

The foundation of church is supposed to reflect the heart of Jesus Christ—someone who consistently made room for people who felt unseen, overlooked, or pushed aside. Not someone who built inner circles that made others feel small.

But church is still made up of people.
And people bring their habits, insecurities, comfort zones, and past experiences with them.

So sometimes… cliques form.

Not always out of malice.
But still, the impact is real.

It can make someone question:
“Do I belong here?”
“Am I not good enough?”
“Why does this feel like high school all over again?”

If you’ve ever felt that way, hear this clearly:

You are not less valuable because you’re not included in a certain group.
You are not invisible because people overlook you.
And you do not have to force your way into spaces that don’t naturally embrace you.

Everything that looks like “connection” isn’t always genuine community.

Real community doesn’t make you feel like you have to earn a seat.
It doesn’t make you feel like an outsider in a place that’s supposed to feel like home.

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is this:
Stay open—but not desperate.
Be kind—but not compromising.
Be yourself—without shrinking to be accepted.

Because the truth is, not every circle is your circle.

And that’s okay.

There are spaces where you will be welcomed without effort.
Where you won’t have to question your place.
Where your presence isn’t tolerated—it’s valued.

Church should be a place of healing, not quiet division.
Of belonging, not subtle exclusion.

And maybe conversations like this are how that change begins.