My Body After: Surgery vs. Rape

After my surgery at 14, my body felt different—but there was a plan.

There was a timeline.
There were instructions.
There was reassurance.

“Give it a few weeks.”
“You’ll be back to normal.”

Even though I felt discomfort, I knew my body wasn’t lost—it was healing. My doctors handled my body with care, with intention. Everything had structure. Everything made sense.

But after I was raped… it was different.

There was no timeline.
No clear instructions.
No promise of when—or if—I would ever feel “normal” again.

After surgery, my body felt temporarily unfamiliar.
After rape, my body felt… disconnected.

Like it wasn’t fully mine anymore.
Like something had been taken, not just physically—but internally.

My post-surgery body could be monitored, treated, and restored step by step.
But my post-rape body? There was no quick fix. No guaranteed recovery date. No simple process to follow.

And that’s what people don’t always understand.

Rape doesn’t just affect the body—it affects your sense of safety in your body.

It changes how you feel when you exist inside yourself.

Healing from surgery is physical.
Healing from rape is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

It’s deeper.
It’s more complex.
And it takes time that no one else can measure.

But here’s what I’m learning:

Even if my body felt lost to me… it was never truly gone.

Even if I felt disconnected… I can reconnect.

Not on a doctor’s timeline.
Not on anyone else’s expectations.

But gently.
Honestly.
At my own pace.

Because my body is still mine.

And I am allowed to come back to it—one step at a time.