“Be Strict With Them, They’re Girls.”
I remember a family member once saying that my parents needed to be strict on my sisters and me because we were girls.
At the time, I didn’t understand it.
We weren’t wild.
We weren’t reckless.
We weren’t out of control.
So why did our gender automatically require policing?
Now that I’m older, I understand. It wasn’t really about us.
It was about how Black girls have been viewed for generations.
The Stereotype of the “Wild” Black Girl
For years, Black girls have been labeled as:
- Fast
- Grown
- Aggressive
- Disrespectful
- In need of discipline
Before we even open our mouths, there’s an assumption that we’re doing too much.
Society has long denied Black girls the innocence automatically given to others. We aren’t seen as “sweet.” We aren’t seen as “protected.” We’re seen as problems waiting to happen.
So when someone says, “Be strict with them, they’re girls,” what they often really mean is:
“Black girls need to be controlled.”
And that’s a heavy thing to put on a child.
Protection or Policing?
Now don’t get me wrong.
Every parent should guide and protect their children.
But there’s a difference between protection and surveillance.
Protection says:
- I trust you.
- I’m teaching you.
- I’m guiding you.
Policing says:
- I don’t trust you.
- I expect you to mess up.
- I need to monitor you closely.
Too often, Black girls get the second version.
Not because we earned it.
But because of stereotypes.
The Historical Weight
Black girls have historically been seen as less innocent and more “adult” than other girls. That bias shows up in schools, media, and yes — even families.
We’re disciplined harsher.
Judged quicker.
Sexualized earlier.
Told we’ll “ruin our lives” over things other girls are allowed to explore without panic.
Sometimes that strictness is framed as survival — “The world is harder on you, so we have to be harder on you.”
But constant hardness can wound.
And sometimes what’s passed down as protection is actually internalized fear mixed with internalized bias.
The Unspoken Message
When you constantly tell a Black girl she needs extra control, what she hears is:
- You’re dangerous.
- You’re reckless.
- You can’t be trusted with your own life.
That sticks.
Even if it’s subtle.
Even if it’s said casually.
Even if it’s said with a laugh.
Let Black Girls Be Girls
Black girls deserve:
- Grace
- Guidance without suspicion
- Correction without humiliation
- Protection without over-policing
- Room to grow without being labeled “wild”
We are not born needing extra control.
We are born needing love, structure, and belief — just like everyone else.
Looking back, I understand that comment differently now. It wasn’t random. It was rooted in something deeper.
But understanding it doesn’t mean excusing it.
It means breaking it.
Because the next generation of Black girls should not have to carry stereotypes inside their own homes.
They deserve to just be girls.