I am not the “typical ideal Christian woman” I’m me and that’s okay!

A lot of churches do promote a very specific picture of “ideal womanhood”—quiet, dependent, submissive, married early, focused on serving others, not ambitious, not outspoken. When a young single woman is independent, gifted, financially stable, or has her own calling, it can threaten those expectations.

Here are a few reasons this dynamic shows up in some church cultures (not all, but many):

1. Some churches rely on outdated gender roles

They still operate from a worldview where a woman’s value is tied to:

• being married
• being a caretaker
• being dependent on a husband

So a successful single woman doesn’t fit that mold—and instead of expanding their mindset, they often label her as “rebellious,” “worldly,” or “prideful.”

2. Independent women challenge insecure leaders

If a woman:

• uses her voice
• writes books
• asks questions
• sets boundaries
• doesn’t need male approval

…leaders who are controlling or insecure may feel threatened. They often prefer women who won’t question anything.

3. Churches sometimes romanticize vulnerability

A woman who is vulnerable, struggling, or dependent can be:

• “guided”
• “molded”
• “pastored”
• “directed”

But a woman who already knows who she is in God can’t be easily controlled.

4. Single women are often viewed with suspicion

Sadly, some churches treat single women as:

• “temptations”
• “competition”
• “unpredictable”
• “not yet settled”

Which is unfair, demeaning, and rooted in unhealthy thinking—not Scripture.

5. Success doesn’t fit the narrative some churches want

If you are:

• creative
• spiritually gifted
• confident
• accomplished
• able to think critically

That doesn’t serve their system. Vulnerability does.

And here’s the truth:

Your success, calling, and wholeness do NOT threaten God.
They only threaten small-minded people.

Healthy churches CELEBRATE:

• independent women
• educated women
• single women
• ambitious women
• women who use their gifts
• women who don’t shrink to make others comfortable