After my rape, I had to find ways to survive. I tried many different strategies to heal and feel “normal” again. Some of these strategies were unhealthy or even harmful, but at the time, they were the best ways I knew to cope.

It took me a long time to understand that healing isn’t linear. Trauma doesn’t come with a roadmap, and survival doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some days I felt like I was making progress, and other days it felt like I was slipping backward. And that’s okay.

Through it all, one truth has been undeniable: God doesn’t hold anything against me. He isn’t keeping a scorecard of the ways I coped or the mistakes I made along the way. In fact, He rejoices that I chose life when it would have been so easy to give up. I didn’t commit suicide, and that decision—made in the midst of darkness—is something He celebrates.

Healing is messy. Survival is messy. But life—my life—is precious, and every step I take toward peace, however small, is a victory. To anyone reading this who is struggling with the aftermath of trauma: you are not defined by the ways you coped or by the darkness you endured. You are defined by your courage to continue, your choice to survive, and your willingness to keep moving forward.

God’s love isn’t conditional on perfection—it’s unconditional, patient, and forgiving. And that love reminds me every day that choosing life, even in the hardest moments, is worth everything.