After my rape, something unexpected happened inside of me—I began to deeply desire motherhood. And it wasn’t just a soft, passing thought. It felt urgent. Anchoring. Almost like my soul grabbed onto it.

Motherhood often means something very specific to most:
I can’t give up.
I have to keep showing up.
Even when I don’t feel like it, I still have to be here.
Even through all the chaos, I’m grateful for my role!

And that became my mindset.

Looking back, I realize how significant that was. In a time where I could have easily disconnected from life, I became drawn to the idea of nurturing life. When something in me had been violated, something else in me rose up and said, create, protect, sustain.

That wasn’t random.

I truly believe God used that desire to keep me here.

Because the truth is, I didn’t just need healing—I needed a reason to stay. And motherhood, even just the desire for it, gave me that reason. It gave me structure when everything felt chaotic. It gave me responsibility when I felt lost. It gave me a future when I could’ve stayed stuck in the past.

It shifted my focus from what was taken from me…
to what could still come through me.

And that’s powerful.

Sometimes we think survival has to look like strength, like confidence, like having it all together. But sometimes survival looks like holding onto one small, meaningful thing and refusing to let go.

For me, that thing was a desire for motherhood.

God didn’t just preserve my life—He redirected it. He took something painful and planted within me a desire that would keep calling me forward.

And even now, I can see it clearly:

I didn’t stay because everything felt okay.
I stayed because something in me decided it had to.

And that decision changed everything. And what’s interesting is this—when it comes to natural motherhood, people often expect you to have everything together first. To be married, financially stable, emotionally ready. There’s this idea that you should be fully prepared before stepping into it.

But the reality is, many women step into motherhood unprepared—and they still make it through. They grow through it. They rise to meet it.

And in a similar way, after my rape, I wasn’t prepared either. I wasn’t aware. I didn’t have everything together. But just like motherhood calls something out of you, that experience did too.

I made it through something I wasn’t prepared for.

Just like many women make it through motherhood without feeling fully ready.