For years, I wrestled with thoughts of suicide. It felt like the only way out, the only way to escape the weight I was carrying. In my mind, death looked like peace. It looked like freedom. It looked like a new beginning.

But I see now—I didn’t need to kill myself to live better.

I needed to kill what was killing me.

I had my weapon pointed in the wrong direction.

It wasn’t my life that needed to end—it was the things attached to my life that were draining it. The old dreams that no longer fit who I was becoming. The relationships that broke me instead of building me. The expectations, the pain, the version of myself that was rooted in survival instead of purpose.

Those were the things that had to go.

And one of the hardest things I had to surrender… was my own will for my life.

Letting go of control felt like dying in itself. Releasing what I thought my life should look like, what I thought I deserved, what I thought I needed—it was painful. But in that surrender, I made room for something greater than me.

I made room for God.

And when I finally let those things die, God began to rebuild me. Not into who I thought I should be—but into who I was always meant to become. My life didn’t end—it transformed. What once felt heavy became lighter. What once felt hopeless became filled with purpose.

I didn’t find life through death.

I found life through release.

God didn’t want me to destroy myself—He wanted me to destroy what was destroying me.

And when I finally did… everything changed.

Amen. 🙏🏽