One of the most harmful things I’ve heard in church spaces is the phrase: “You just have to forgive and forget.”

When people talk about rape or abuse, that advice gets thrown around quickly, as if healing is supposed to happen instantly. But that was not my experience with God at all.

After my rape happened, God never told me to simply “forgive and forget.” Instead, He comforted me along the journey of processing what happened. Healing did not come all at once. It took time.

For a long time, I blamed myself. I questioned my actions and wondered if somehow it was my fault. Many survivors carry that same burden of self-blame, even though the responsibility belongs only to the person who committed the violation.

Then in 2022, something powerful happened. God gave me a clear revelation: what happened to me was rape, and it was not okay. That truth mattered. It helped me stop minimizing what happened and stop blaming myself.

And if anything, what God showed me was not that I needed to “forgive and forget.” What He showed me was that I needed to forgive myself.

I had to release the guilt that never belonged to me in the first place.

Sometimes church culture tries to rush people through healing. But real healing often involves acknowledging the harm, grieving, processing trauma, and learning the truth about what happened.

Forgiveness can be a beautiful thing, but it should never be used to silence victims or force them to skip the process of healing.

My journey with God was not about pretending nothing happened. It was about truth, comfort, and learning that what happened to me was wrong—and that I deserved compassion, not blame.

And that truth changed everything.