When I was 13 years old, I had my life all mapped out.

I was going to be a fashion designer. I even had the name of my clothing line picked out — Change — with a butterfly 🦋 logo. Very early 2000s. Very dramatic. Very me.

I was sure that was the plan.

But God had a different one.

If God had sat me down at 13 and said, “You’re going to write a book at 32 about your struggles,” I would have immediately disagreed.

First of all — absolutely not.

At 13, I was ashamed of my struggles. I was trying my hardest to hide them. The last thing I wanted was to talk about them publicly, let alone write a book about them.

Second, 32 years old?!
At 13, that sounded ancient. I would’ve thought, “Why do I have to wait that long?” I was thinking in a natural mindset — fast, emotional, impatient, and very self-focused.

But God thinks generationally.
We think seasonally.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 2:14 that the natural person doesn’t receive the things of the Spirit. That’s not just about sin. Sometimes it’s about limited thinking. Fear. Logic-only reasoning. Lack of faith. Wanting things on our timeline.

At 13, I couldn’t see how pain could become purpose.
At 32, I understood that process creates perspective.

If God had shown me the full blueprint, I probably would have:

• Rejected it
• Tried to rush it
• Or run from it

So He didn’t tell me everything.

In Jeremiah 29:11, it says, “For I know the plans I have for you…” Notice it doesn’t say, “I will explain them to you at 13.”

God reveals in layers, not blueprints.

Think about Joseph in Genesis. He had a dream as a teenager, but he wasn’t shown the betrayal, the pit, the prison, or the waiting. If he had known the entire journey, would he have celebrated the dream?

Probably not.

Sometimes God hides the full plan because we are not emotionally ready for the weight of it.

And here’s the part that makes me smile…

I wanted my brand to be called Change with a butterfly logo.

A butterfly symbolizes transformation.

Even back then, I was drawn to change.

I thought I would design clothes that represented transformation.

Instead, I became the transformation.

The change didn’t happen on fabric.
It happened in me.

And now, writing about my struggles isn’t shameful — it’s powerful.

At 13, I wanted success.
At 32, I understood purpose.

What felt “too old” became right on time.
What felt embarrassing became healing.
What felt hidden became testimony.

God didn’t tell me everything because I would have said no.

And now, looking back, all I can say is:

Wow.

He knew.