When people judge others based on appearance, they often think they know the full story. But the truth is, assumptions can be very misleading.

Recently I shared how an elder at my church told me that wearing a crop top was “signaling to men that I’m sexually available.” That statement says more about assumptions than it does about reality.

What this elder doesn’t know about me is that I am a survivor of rape.

For me, wearing a crop top and dressing how I want isn’t about trying to look sexy or attract men. It’s actually the opposite. It’s about reclaiming my life and feeling comfortable in my own body again.

After my rape, I felt extremely uncomfortable in my body. For a long time I didn’t put much effort into my style at all. I mostly wore lounge clothes or simple errand-running outfits because I just didn’t feel like myself.

Healing from trauma can look different for everyone. For me, part of that healing has been rediscovering my personal style and allowing myself to feel confident again.

So when someone assumes my clothing is about sexual attention, they are completely missing the deeper reality: it’s about healing.

This is why judging people based on what they wear can be so harmful. You never know someone’s story. What looks like “attention seeking” to one person might actually be someone reclaiming their confidence, their identity, or their body after trauma.

Sometimes what people criticize is actually someone else’s survival and healing.