It’s interesting how, after trauma, the decisions we make don’t always seem connected—until we look back.

After my rape, I went to cosmetology school.

At the time, it didn’t feel deep. It didn’t feel symbolic. It just felt like something I chose to do. But looking back now, I see something I couldn’t see then:

I was searching for rescue.

Cosmetology. Psychology.
They both end in “ology.”

That might sound small, but it made me pause. Because “ology” means the study of.
And whether I realized it or not, I was being pulled toward understanding—toward healing.

Just in different forms.

Cosmetology focuses on the head—hair, scalp, appearance.
But the head is also where the mind lives.
And the mind is where trauma hides, where pain lingers, where healing has to begin.

So even though I wasn’t sitting in a psychology class, trying to unpack what happened to me, I was still moving toward something connected to it.

I was working with the head.
I was working with identity.
I was working with transformation.

And maybe, in a way, I was working with myself.

After trauma, especially something as personal and violating as rape, there’s often a deep sense of disconnection. From your body. From your identity. From your sense of control.

Cosmetology gave me something trauma tried to take:

• A sense of control
• A safe way to engage with the body
• The ability to create change and transformation

It allowed me to touch, create, and restore—in an environment that didn’t feel threatening.

And even deeper than that, it allowed me to help others feel good about themselves, while I was still trying to figure out how to feel whole again.

That’s the part that stands out to me now.

I didn’t consciously say, “I need healing.”
But my life responded as if I did.

I moved toward something that dealt with the head…
which connects to the mind…
which holds the pain.

That wasn’t random. That was intentional—even if it was unconscious.

Sometimes, healing doesn’t start in a therapist’s office.
Sometimes it starts in the choices we make without fully understanding why.

And only later do we realize:

We weren’t just choosing a path.
We were trying to find our way back to ourselves.

— End —