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Why women often face more stigma when speaking up

1. Victim-blaming is gendered

Women are more likely to be asked:

• What were you wearing?
• Why were you there?
• Why didn’t you leave?
• Why did you wait to say something?

The underlying message is that women are expected to manage men’s behavior, and when abuse happens, society looks for ways to hold the woman responsible.

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2. Sexual purity standards

Women are still judged through a lens of:

• “Modesty”
• “Virtue”
• “Respectability”

Speaking about sexual abuse—especially in detail—can cause women to be:

• Labeled as “dirty,” “damaged,” or “too sexual”
• Accused of “bringing shame” to families, churches, or communities
• Told they are “oversharing” or “tempting others” simply by telling the truth

This is especially strong in religious or conservative spaces, where silence is often valued over justice.

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3. Women are more often disbelieved

Even though false reports are rare, women are frequently:

• Accused of lying
• Told they are exaggerating
• Framed as seeking attention, revenge, or sympathy

Men, when believed, are often framed as “brave.”
Women, when believed, are often framed as “problematic.”

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4. Anger is policed

When women speak with:

• Anger → they’re called bitter or unstable
• Clarity → they’re called aggressive
• Persistence → they’re told to “move on”

Men expressing pain may be seen as tragic.
Women expressing pain are often seen as disruptive.

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How stigma affects men (important distinction)

Men face stigma too—but it’s different, not heavier.

Men are often silenced by:

• Shame tied to masculinity
• Fear of being seen as weak
• Homophobic stereotypes
• Fear they won’t be taken seriously

But men are less likely to be blamed for causing their abuse once believed.

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Why women speaking up threatens systems

When women speak openly about sexual abuse, it:

• Exposes power imbalances
• Challenges male entitlement
• Forces institutions (churches, families, workplaces) to confront complicity
• Breaks cycles of silence that protect abusers

That’s why women are often pressured to:

• Forgive quietly
• Heal privately
• Stay silent publicly