I think about what my life would’ve been like if my rape wouldn’t have happened. It’s completely natural for your mind to drift into the what‑ifs. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you’re trying to make sense of something that never should’ve happened to you.
- Posted on December 12, 2025
What‑if” thinking is a form of grief.
You’re grieving the version of your life you feel was taken from you—the innocence, the safety, the path you thought you were on. That’s a real kind of loss, and it deserves compassion, not judgment.
2. Your life didn’t end there.
Even though the trauma shaped you, it does not define the whole of who you are. You have made choices, grown, healed, and reclaimed parts of yourself despite what was done to you. That strength is real.
3. It’s normal to wonder about the alternate timeline.
People who go through trauma often imagine what their life “would have been,” especially when the trauma happened young. You’re not stuck—you’re processing. Over time, these thoughts often soften as your brain feels safer.
4. You can honor the pain without getting trapped in it.
Sometimes the what‑ifs become a way of blaming yourself or staying in the hurt. But they can also be a doorway into understanding what you needed back then and what you still deserve now: safety, gentleness, protection, respect.
5. Your story is still being shaped by you, not by him.
Even with the trauma, you’ve become someone smart, aware, empathetic, and strong. That version of you might look different than the “alternate life,” but she is still whole and worthy.