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1. It reinforces gender roles that limit women

This message teaches women to:

• Be passive
• Sit and wait instead of making choices
• Believe they have no agency in their own relationships

This leaves women feeling powerless, insecure, and hesitant to express interest or set boundaries.

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2. It gives men all the control

If a man is told he is the only one allowed to pursue:

• He becomes the “decider”
• His interest becomes more important than her comfort
• Her “no” might not be taken seriously because the pursuit is framed as his role

This can lead to dismissing her boundaries, pushing past comfort zones, and unhealthy power dynamics.

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3. It teaches women to tolerate unwanted attention

If she believes only men pursue:

• She may feel guilty rejecting someone
• She may think she must “give him a chance”
• She may feel pressured to entertain attraction she doesn’t feel

This creates openings for manipulation, coercion, and even emotional abuse.

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4. It blames women when men behave inappropriately

When you tell women “only men pursue,” the unspoken message becomes:

• “If he’s persistent, it’s because he’s supposed to be.”
• “If you didn’t want it, why didn’t you stop him?”
• “Men are just like that.”

This excuses aggressive or unhealthy pursuit and shifts responsibility onto women for how men behave.

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5. It discourages women from leaving toxic situations

If only men can initiate:
➡️ Women may believe that if a man chose them, they should be grateful or stay loyal.
➡️ Leaving might feel like “wasting his effort” or “breaking tradition.”
➡️ Abuse or unhealthy attachment can be normalized.

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6. It punishes women who are assertive

Women who express interest or set the tone in dating often get labeled:

• “Desperate”
• “Too forward”
• “Masculine”
• “Thirsty”

This messaging teaches women to shrink themselves and ignore their own desires.

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7. It creates unrealistic expectations for men too

Men are pressured to:

• Do all the initiating
• Handle all the rejection
• Read minds
• Be confident even when they aren’t

This contributes to loneliness, frustration, and insecurity in men.

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8. It makes relationships less healthy

Healthy relationships are built on mutual:

• Interest
• Initiative
• Respect
• Effort

When one gender is told they must pursue while the other must wait, it destroys balance and mutuality.

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9. It can escalate into dangerous dynamics

Messages like:

• “He’s supposed to chase.”
• “He’ll win you over.”
• “Men are persistent.”

…are the same messages that can be used to justify:

• Stalking
• Harassment
• Pressuring
• Not listening to “no”

It can blur the line between interest and obsession.

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Bottom line

Telling a woman “a man can only pursue her”:

• Strips her agency
• Encourages unhealthy power dynamics
• Creates pressure, guilt, and vulnerability
• Opens the door to manipulation and boundary violations
• Harms both women and men

Healthy relationships thrive when both people are free to initiate, express interest, and set boundaries.