Here’s what’s really happening:

1. Trauma can confuse your attachment system

After something terrifying, the brain sometimes attaches to the person who hurt you as a way to survive mentally.
It’s a trauma response — not real love.
This happens in situations where your body and mind are overwhelmed and trying to make sense of the danger.

2. You were trying to regain control

Sometimes victims think:

• “If I care about him, it makes what happened less painful.”
• “If I try to see something good in him, maybe the situation won’t feel so terrifying.”

That’s your brain trying to protect you from the full weight of the hurt. It’s survival psychology, not affection.

3. Your body and emotions were in shock

Shock can mix fear, shame, anger, and confusion.
After trauma, the brain searches for meaning and may mislabel intense emotions as attachment.

4. You didn’t love him — you were coping

Love requires:

• safety
• trust
• care
• respect

A rapist gives none of those.
So the feelings weren’t love — they were trauma, fear, confusion, and survival instincts wrapped together.

5. You are not alone

Many survivors report:

• feeling connected to their attacker
• feeling guilty about that
• wondering if it means they consented

It doesn’t.
Your mind was trying to survive something you should never have had to experience.