1. The “He must pursue you” rule eliminates 90% of good men

Many churches teach:

• Don’t show interest
• Don’t initiate
• Don’t start a conversation

But here’s real life:
Most men today are shy, unsure, or afraid of rejection.

So if a woman never shows any green light, men assume:

• she’s not interested
• she’s “too churchy”
• she’ll reject him

A woman who refuses to initiate anything often blends into the background.
This one rule alone keeps thousands of women single.

2. Waiting for a “spiritual unicorn” narrows the pool too much

Church culture tells women to wait for:

• a perfect, Holy Ghost–filled man
• who leads everything
• who’s healed
• who prays every morning
• who has zero struggle
• who’s financially stable
• and emotionally mature

…while ignoring the regular, good, imperfect men who are growing.

Many churches set the bar so high that no real man fits it.

3. The “Just wait, God will send him” mindset stops women from meeting anyone

Women are told that:

• dating apps are “worldly”
• approaching a man is “thirsty”
• joining clubs/groups is “not trusting God”
• online dating means “you’re desperate”

So they sit and wait…
and wait…
and wait…

You can’t meet someone if you’re not in environments where men exist.

4. Church social circles are small and recycled

In many churches:

• The same 5 single men circulate
• They’re already dating someone
• Or they’re not serious about anyone
• Everyone knows everyone’s business

There’s no new pool.
A woman relying only on church men ends up waiting for years.

5. Purity culture creates fear around normal connection

Women are told:

• don’t be alone with a man
• don’t spend time with him
• don’t talk too much
• don’t “give the wrong impression”
• don’t seem too emotional

This creates women who are:

• overly guarded
• scared to be vulnerable
• nervous on dates
• unable to express desire

A man can’t bond with someone who seems emotionally unavailable.

6. Shame about their pasts makes women hide themselves

Church culture often makes women feel:

• “No good man will want me if I’m not pure.”
• “My story will scare him away.”
• “My past disqualifies me.”

This leads to:

• dating with fear
• sabotaging connections
• assuming rejection
• thinking they must prove they are “worthy”

Confidence attracts partners. Shame pushes them away.

7. Churches overpraise marriage but underteach relationship skills

Women are taught:

• Pray
• Serve
• Wait

…but not:

• How to communicate with men
• How to flirt
• How to express interest
• How to resolve conflict
• How to choose a compatible partner

Many church women have marriage desire but not dating skills—and it’s not their fault.

8. The “Be still, don’t go out” message isolates women

Women hear:
“Stay home, stay quiet, just focus on God.”

But how can a man find you if:

• you don’t go anywhere?
• you don’t engage socially?
• you don’t put yourself in adult spaces where men actually are?

Isolation = singleness.

9. They’re told any loneliness means “God isn’t done preparing you”

Some women stay single longer than they want because they feel guilty for:

• wanting companionship
• wanting sex
• wanting romance
• wanting partnership

They suppress normal desires instead of taking healthy steps to meet someone.

10. The church’s judgment keeps women from exploring normal dating options

Women fear:

• being judged
• rumors
• looking “fast”
• people talking
• leadership disapproving

So they date secretly, or not at all.

The fear of gossip freezes them.