Labels like “fast,” “grown,” “mature,” “she knows better,” or “she acts older than her age” can be especially harmful when applied to girls who are being sexualized or abused. They can shift attention away from the adult’s responsibility and toward the child’s behavior.

A child being mature, outspoken, flirtatious, curious, wearing certain clothes, or seeming older never makes sexual abuse her fault. An adult is responsible for maintaining boundaries and protecting a child.

There can also be additional pressures in some communities—such as protecting family reputation, avoiding shame, distrust of authorities, religious expectations around sexuality, or teaching girls to be “respectable”—that make it harder for girls to disclose abuse or be believed.

And one particularly damaging contradiction is:

“You’re mature enough to know better” when something happens to her, but “you’re just a child” when she tries to make her own decisions.

That inconsistency can leave girls feeling responsible for things they never had the power or responsibility to control.

With black girls and women not being protected by families and communities I also thought of this: black girls and women are often also labeled “dramatic” or “attention hungry” and I thought of this too: if a white girl gets raped she may have more support and compassion and her family or community will take action to protect her vs. a black girl or women, even if we disclose rape we are not easily believed and there is no steps taken to protect us we just get told “to cover up more” or get told “men will be men” 🙄

• Adultification bias: Black girls are more likely to be perceived as older, more sexually knowledgeable, or more responsible for what happens to them. Calling a girl “fast,” “grown,” or “mature” can make adults interpret abuse through a sexualized lens rather than seeing her as a child being harmed.
• The “dramatic/attention-seeking” label: When a Black girl or woman repeatedly reports something painful, people may dismiss her emotional response rather than asking, “What happened to her, and what does she need?”
• Credibility and victim-blaming: Survivors can encounter disbelief, questioning, minimization, or scrutiny about their clothing, behavior, sexuality, or decisions instead of attention being placed on the perpetrator.
• “Cover up more” isn’t protection. Teaching girls about boundaries, safety, and consent can be appropriate, but telling a rape survivor that her clothing or appearance caused the assault shifts responsibility away from the person who chose to assault her.
• Community silence can be especially damaging: Families, churches, schools, and other institutions sometimes prioritize reputation, avoiding scandal, or maintaining the appearance of respectability over confronting the person who caused harm.

And importantly, Black girls and women don’t need to prove that they’re perfectly behaved, modest, calm, or likable to deserve protection. A girl can be outspoken, emotional, wear revealing clothing, have a boyfriend, or make mistakes—and none of those things make sexual assault her fault.

The protection question should be: “A victim disclosed sexual abuse. What do we need to do right now to make her safe and hold the perpetrator accountable?” Not: “What was she wearing?” or “Is she being dramatic?”

That distinction is huge.