After my rape I became a complete different person, as a child I had many big dreams and was never someone who wanted to depend on anyone, not that there is anything wrong with support but there’s a difference between support vs co dependency. I became co dependent on others/things after my rape in many ways, co dependent on others approval, co dependent on money, co dependent on assistance programs and the list goes on. Co-dependency after rape is unfortunately common, and it’s rooted in the trauma and disruption of trust that sexual assault can cause. It often shows up as patterns of seeking approval, prioritizing others’ needs over your own, or feeling responsible for other people’s emotions—sometimes to the point of neglecting your own healing. Here’s a breakdown of how it can manifest and why it happens:

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Why Co-dependency Can Develop After Rape

1. Loss of Control: Trauma, especially sexual assault, can make someone feel powerless. Co-dependency can emerge as a way to regain a sense of control—by focusing intensely on others, your environment, or relationships.
2. Need for Safety: Victims often unconsciously try to prevent further harm by being overly accommodating or compliant, hoping others won’t hurt them.
3. Shattered Trust: When someone’s boundaries are violated, they may struggle to trust their own judgment or others, leading to over-reliance on certain people for validation or protection.
4. Self-Worth Issues: Survivors may feel “broken” or “undeserving,” so they attach themselves to others in ways that seek affirmation, love, or approval externally.

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Common Signs of Co-dependency After Trauma

Difficulty being alone or making independent decisions.

Feeling responsible for others’ feelings or problems.

Difficulty saying “no” or setting boundaries.

Fear of abandonment or intense anxiety when not needed.

Prioritizing someone else’s needs over your own consistently.

Seeking validation or self-worth through others’ approval.