I’ve been reflecting on a moment from when I was around 19 or 20 that, at the time, I didn’t fully process—but now I realize it carries subtle racial undertones. I was talking with a family member about dating, relationships, and life in general, and they said to me, “You’re not ready for a baby.”

On the surface, it sounded like protective advice. But when I really thought about it, I realized it reflected something deeper: the stereotype that Black women—especially darker-skinned Black women—aren’t seen as capable mothers, aren’t expected to build strong families, and are often unfairly assumed to have unplanned pregnancies. This wasn’t just about me being young; it was seeing me through a lens shaped by racial profiling and colorism. And not to mention that this family member was lighter in complexion than me! Hmm 🤔 wow!

To make it even more striking, another family member was with us at the time. She was pregnant, also lighter-skinned, and was met with support and celebration. Her pregnancy was accepted and praised without question, while my potential readiness was scrutinized. That contrast wasn’t lost on me—it was a clear example of how skin tone within the Black community can influence who is validated, celebrated, or questioned.

Even within families—spaces that are supposed to be safe and supportive—bias can quietly operate. Comments like “you’re not ready” may seem benign or protective, but they can reinforce harmful stereotypes and make Black women feel unfairly judged or compared.

Reflecting on this now, I realize these moments are part of a larger pattern of subtle racial profiling and colorism that many of us experience. Naming it is the first step toward understanding it and reclaiming our worth outside of these biased expectations.

Because at the end of the day, your readiness, your choices, and your capabilities are yours alone—they are not dictated by stereotypes, colorism, or anyone else’s idea of what a “good Black woman” should be.