The church often speaks strongly about fornication.
“Don’t do it.”
“Save yourself.”
“Honor God with your body.”

But there is something just as important that is often left unsaid:

In order to sin sexually, there must be consent.

For a long time, I believed I had “fornicated” after I was raped. I carried spiritual shame for something I never chose. I didn’t understand that sin requires a conscious decision—a willing heart and a willing body. What happened to me was not a choice. It was a violation.

Rape is not sex.
Rape is not intimacy.
Rape is not fornication.

Rape is violence.

When someone’s agency is taken away—through force, fear, freezing, pressure, or coercion—there is no mutual act. There is only harm. And yet, many survivors sit in church pews carrying guilt that was never theirs to carry.

Why This Matters Spiritually

Faith communities talk about sexual purity, but they don’t always talk about sexual agency. Consent isn’t just a legal or social concept—it is a spiritual one.

God gave human beings will, choice, and the ability to say yes or no. Without that, there is no moral action—only something done to a person, not by them.

When we blur that line, we risk teaching survivors that they are spiritually responsible for their own trauma.

The Hidden Weight Survivors Carry

Many people who experience sexual violence don’t just wrestle with pain and memories—they wrestle with God.

They ask:

• “Did I sin?”
• “Am I dirty now?”
• “Did I fail spiritually?”

These questions don’t come from God. They come from silence, misunderstanding, and teachings that don’t make room for trauma.

What the Church Can Do Better

The church can still uphold sexual boundaries and holiness—and speak clearly about compassion, consent, and justice.

We can say:

• Sin involves choice.
• Violation involves harm.
• Survivors are not guilty—they are wounded and deserving of care.

We can preach purity without preaching shame.
We can teach holiness without silencing pain.

My Hope

My hope is that no survivor ever sits in a sanctuary believing they are spiritually condemned for something they never chose.

My hope is that the church becomes a place of healing, not confusion.
A place of clarity, not quiet suffering.
A place where truth and grace walk together.

Because God does not stand with violence.
God stands with the brokenhearted.