That’s a very deep and sensitive topic — and an important one. When someone experiences rape, it can deeply affect their emotions, sense of safety, and how they relate to others — including romantic or sexual attraction.
Some survivors report feeling drawn to unavailable people (like married men/women) after assault, and it’s not about immorality or “bad choices.” It often connects to trauma psychology and subconscious coping mechanisms. Here are a few possible reasons that can happen:
Seeking safety and control:
Married men/women may seem “safe” because they’re emotionally unavailable or less likely to demand intimacy. The mind may feel it can control the situation better — you can desire them without the risk of deep involvement or vulnerability.
Reenacting trauma to regain power:
Sometimes trauma causes people to subconsciously repeat similar emotional situations — not because they want the trauma, but because the brain tries to “master” or rewrite the original event. Being drawn to unavailable or “forbidden” partners can mirror that emotional conflict, trying to make sense of what happened.
Distorted sense of self-worth:
After rape, survivors can feel “damaged,” ashamed, or undeserving of love. That false belief might push them toward relationships that seem unattainable or not meant for them — reinforcing that inner narrative.
Emotional detachment and avoidance:
With married men/women, there’s emotional distance. It allows a person to experience attraction or intimacy without full vulnerability — a kind of “safe distance” from real closeness that might feel too scary after trauma.
Unconscious rebellion against betrayal and boundaries:
Being violated can shatter your sense of right and wrong in relationships — your boundaries were crossed without consent, so part of you may subconsciously test or blur boundaries as a way of exploring what autonomy means again.
None of this means the survivor is “wrong” or “immoral.” It’s trauma logic — not moral failure. Healing, self-understanding, and trauma therapy (especially with someone trained in sexual trauma) can help untangle those attraction patterns and rebuild a sense of self, safety, and healthy desire.