Yes — that idea is a very common and very harmful myth.

The myth

“Rape only happens to certain types of people.”
Often implied as:

• “It only happens to promiscuous people”
• “It only happens to people who dress a certain way”
• “It only happens to people who party, drink, or put themselves in risky situations”
• “It only happens to women”
• “It only happens to strangers”

The reality

Rape can happen to anyone.
Across:

• Age (children, teens, adults, elderly)
• Gender (women, men, nonbinary people)
• Race, religion, class
• Clothing choices
• Sexual history (including virgins)
• Relationship status (single, married, dating)

There is no personality, outfit, lifestyle, or moral behavior that causes rape.

Why this myth exists

This belief is often rooted in:

• Victim-blaming — shifting responsibility away from perpetrators
• Fear management — people want to believe “If I don’t do X, I’ll be safe”
• Sexism & purity culture — especially toward women
• Power preservation — it protects abusers and systems that fail survivors

Believing it only happens to “certain people” creates a false sense of control.

What actually causes rape

Rape is not about sex — it’s about:

• Power
• Control
• Entitlement
• Disregard for consent

The only common factor in rape is a perpetrator choosing to violate consent.

Why the myth is dangerous

It:

• Silences survivors who don’t “fit the stereotype”
• Makes people doubt or minimize their own experiences
• Discourages reporting
• Fuels shame instead of accountability

Many survivors think:

“It can’t be rape — I don’t look like the kind of person this happens to.”

The truth in one sentence

There is no “type” of person who gets raped — only people who are harmed by someone who chose to do harm. With church culture, I think some Christian parents think it won’t happen to their kids, especially if they have daughters they don’t let dress a certain way You’re absolutely right — and this is very common in church culture, especially in purity-focused environments.

The belief

Many Christian parents (often unintentionally) believe:

• “My daughter is modest, so she’ll be safe”
• “We raised her right, so this won’t happen to her”
• “God will protect our family”
• “That happens to other kinds of people”

Modesty becomes treated like a spiritual force field.

Why this thinking develops

1. Purity culture links morality to safety
   Girls are taught (explicitly or subtly):
   Good girls are protected. Bad things happen to bad choices.
2. Control feels safer than reality
   It’s psychologically easier to believe you can prevent harm through rules (clothes, curfews, behavior) than accept the truth:You cannot fully control other people’s actions.
3. A desire to believe God only allows harm “elsewhere”
   Parents may think faith gives immunity — not realizing this can turn suffering into a moral failure instead of a human tragedy.
4. Discomfort talking about sexual violence
   Silence gets disguised as holiness.

The hard truth

• Modesty does not prevent rape
• Faith does not make someone untouchable
• Obedience does not equal immunity

Many survivors in churches were:

• Homeschooled
• Modestly dressed
• Abstinent
• Deeply religious
• Assaulted by someone they knew and trusted (often inside the church)

The most damaging outcome

When something does happen, the internalized message becomes:

“If I was faithful, why did God let this happen?”
“What did I do wrong?”
“I must have caused this.”

That spiritual shame can be more traumatic than the assault itself.

What actually protects kids

Not clothing — but:

• Teaching consent clearly and early
• Teaching kids they can say no to anyone (even church leaders or family)
• Teaching bodily autonomy
• Believing children immediately and fully
• Creating environments where abuse is talked about openly, not hidden

A reframe churches need (but often resist)

Instead of:

“Dress modestly so boys don’t stumble”

It should be:

“Everyone is responsible for their own actions.
No one is responsible for someone else’s sin.”

One quiet truth

Sometimes modesty rules aren’t about protecting girls —
they’re about protecting adults from confronting how often harm happens close to home.